Seasons of refining
Being well-known about my disability, nowadays getting, even more, worse and tougher for mobility. As the entire life chain of this sophisticated system functions on mobility, thereby my cycle comes to an end. When there is a lack primarily, what else to think on? This lack is tremendously foiling and thereby cold blooded frustration and anxiety hits a peak.
As rightly said; “we should not compare selves with anyone, as each one possesses different qualities”. But then, when there is a natural transformation, accepting it is more significant. Likewise, it is back-breaking, painful and weary. At my age of 23, folks either start or are in the process of executing their plans of career and goals. I too have my plans but the positive chance is way lesser.
What shall I do?
I started seeking and tried doing numerous things yet some or the other way it keeps haunting due to lack of neuro-muscular disorders. After knowing these facts robustly, I continually concentrated on the proceedings. I made myself psychologically ready again for the battle, yet the failure prevailed.
I keep watching videos on YouTube presented by top-notch speakers of the world just to attain motivation and cope up with the things in a differently abled way. All their talks were nearby likewise. Everyone spoke about failures, transformation, hard-work, sacrifice, confidence and so on.
Certainly, it was inspiring but to what extent was the next question.
That insisted me to think fundamentally about confidence building, thus to accept the facts of transformation. Felt good for the time being. Perhaps, each time I toil to do the best in my own way, yet the hurdles prevailed invariably. Such pattern of overcoming and facing failures is getting accustomed. The most significant part is, it makes me down and though I lift it up with great toughness and robustness to retain the enormous wall to do the next possible thing.
The transformation took place, I did accept it with all vitality. Yet the uncertainty remains. I do not know when this failure shall end, when will my life start with flying colors, when will I be able to do things at least in a differently abled manner?
When will this seek come to an end?
I wanted to end this on a low note, but my instincts turned the scenario. Most of us have heard Thomas Edison’s famous quote about failure and inventing the light bulb.
To put my story correspondingly;
“I have not failed. I’ve just found ways that won’t work.” However, I’ve found my next source of motivation, to keep me going.